Wednesday, December 23, 2009

c'est la vie, ma cherie

Her skin is as soft
As newly-blown glass.
Her touch,
However light,
Makes my hand ignite,
And sets my heart ablaze.

There's love on her lips;
A love so sweet that
All the forces of this Earth
Could not stop me from
Chasing that dream.

If the world ends tonight,
Goes to darkness from light,
I wish to hold you once more;
Two souls breathing as one,
As we sail into the sun.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

scalded

Fire on her lips,
She satisfies my appetite;
Freezing my heart,
And filling my ear
With flame.

With this hypocritical pen
I speak,
And with these accusing fingers
I scream,
"Humanity!", who hath
Wrought her cruel vengeance
On my soul.

You ask why I harden myself
To you; I just want you to feel.
The pangs of constant disappointment,
The daily corrosion of my faith,
The harmless mutilation of my heart,
Everything.

Friday, November 20, 2009

one more step

The sun went down in my life tonight.
The vicious misgivings of
Fruitless expectations
Strip me to the bone,
Leaving me with but those
Dilapidated memories of the
Time before my world unfurled.

Can I find Salvation?
My faith says yes, but
My gut says no.
I have seen too many
Sunny days succumb to
Rain to think differently.

I am the son of Misfortune,
Here to bear all the sorrow
Of the world to
Preserve the happiness of all.

I accept my position,
But I am just so tired.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

it's not about the cake

Over these four years, one becomes quite accustomed to the many quirks of cross country runners. One of these quirks that I've been quite familiar with as of late is chasing after falling leaves. The object of this game is, well, to catch a falling leaf before it hits the ground. While at first, the leaf was simply that; a leaf, it later became an opportunity, fallen from above for us to grasp and cherish.

This year, I began the season with the typical dread; one learns to hate hill workouts after four years. I actually got in the habit of saying "Thank God today is over!" after each practice, sensing that each day was one step closer to the end of my misery. However, this attitude soon changed. Early in the season, I had the misfortune of losing a family member. The team embraced me, and I honestly feel as though I could not have made it through this period without them.

This turn of events made me reconsider what I should be thanking God for. Every single day I've come to cross country these four years, I've been greeted by a team filled with people who love to be around each other, and keep each other laughing for hours. Soon, I stopped thinking of the team as a group of crazy people who like to run, and started seeing them as a family.

After I made this realization, the season really started to turn around. I'm not sure if the rest of my teammates feel the same, but I really believe that we banded together after that. With a few hard losses behind us, we bounced back to get revenge at the conference meet, and perform well at the class meet. Each and every person on both the teams left their hearts on the course every day, and for this I truly thank you all.

Four years ago, I walked into this cafeteria thinking, "Man, I've got so many more miles to run, this is going to stink pretty badly." Now as I stand here tonight, I see a cafeteria filled with the teammates I love more than anything. I honestly could not put together a greater group of people to spend every day after school with, nor would I if I had the chance.

With that said, I leave you with a haiku:

October's blessing,
Leaves fall, with my dreams fulfilled.
I will miss you all.


Thank you, God, for dropping this leaf my way.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

shelter me, darkness

These are the moments I dread,
The times in which
My greatest fears are rekindled;
The enternal flame burning inside me
Grows scalding.
How I wish to banish
These feelings to the cavernous
Recesses of my soul.
But alas, I cannot.
I am gripped by such a
Paralyzing sense of
Loneliness that all light is
Swallowed, and the darkness'
Appetite is endless.
The seldomly-held joys are
Portrayed in such a cynical light
That all seems for naught.

I go crawling
Into the darkness,
Falling down, begging and pleading
To finally be accepted.

The darkness consents,
And we are one.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

the worst in people

It's funny how track brings out the worst in people.

We spend days, months, even years, breeding a hate so fierce for whomever has the misfortune of stepping to the line beside us that day. In the warmup, each step is in spite, ready to rip the throats out of anyone daring enough to challenge us. We step to the line, and all civilized thought dissolves. Carnal instinct takes over, and we become our true selves. There is no love on a track; only varying degrees of hatred.

As the gun fires, so starts the hunt. Not a journey for self-fulfillment, but rather one for the satisfaction of the kill. We seek blood, and weaken the opponent through any means necessary; whether it be the classic elbow to the kidney, or the preemptive pushing of the pace. This is not a race to the finish, but one to the death.

As we come around, our coach screaming out splits, we don't hear a sound. The white hot lust with which we pursue is too great, and no force on this God-forsaken planet could slow us now. We must taste of victory, as there is no loss worth attaining.

The pack separates, and the real battle begins. Neither of us will give an inch, nor do we expect it. Our lives hang in the balance, and only one of us will come out of this alive.

The pretenders fall back, those clinging to the strength of the leaders as a way of prolonging their fated demise. It is impossible to accept death simply as something destined to befall us all, yet to these it comes much too quickly.

The bell rings, and we go for the jugular. Every ounce of energy is called upon, and pain flows from every orifice. Our bodies are numb, the need to live driving us forward. Each fateful meter brings us closer to the end, the climax to this bloodthirsty escapade.

As we round the turn, we're down and out, Darwin's rejects. We resign ourselves to death, and even God turns a cold shoulder to our misery.

But we live on. At our lowest low, from deep inside our being erupts a force so powerful, so truly unbelievable that we are resurrected. We're off the mat and kicking, and he doesn't know what hits him.

We cross the line, completely dead, but fully alive.

It's funny how track brings out the best in people.

Monday, November 2, 2009

music to my ears

Today, a good friend of mine supplied me with some food for thought:

"I love the way music can make you feel."

It's strange that it took a coincidental AIM conversation for me to realize this, as it's really true.

Music has a funny way of sweeping you off your feet, making you fall in love, forcing you to remember the times that have come and gone, giving you strength, bringing you to your knees, and making you contemplate exactly why you're here, anyways.